THE BROWN CLIFFS OF HERSTMONCEUX - Not exactly what you expect to find when you move into the Sussex countryside, but then with corruption at an all time high in the district, what do you expect. We anticipate more inappropriate development like this, because Wealden consider themselves above the law, much of the time.

Unlike Dover, with their beautiful white cliffs, in Wealden they like the colour brown so much Wealden District Councillors and Herstmonceux Parish Council gave planning permission to build this artificial edifice in the country - taking with it the natural beauty of the countryside for walkers - and - or so it seems, polluting the watercourse downstream. Shit! There must be better deals elsewhere, unspoiled and less damaging to the environment.

Oak Way is part of the Woodlands View development built on raised ground that has been backfilled onto pile driven steel, cutting off Lime Wood from the natural water flow - that formerly fed the stream - instead feeding the surface water to an unknown destination drain, but at least some of it appears to be leaking in the stream at the foot of the valley.

Oak Way, Hawthorn Lane and Elm Close spur off the A271 heading south towards Lime Wood. It is just a few hundred yards from the village, where there are parking difficulties and only the amenities of a small village, so just a Post Office, a Mace and not much else. Though there is a curry house, a couple of pubs and the Sundial restaurant. But for shopping proper, it's a trip to Eastbourne, Bexhill or Hailsham. Thank heavens for supermarket home deliveries.

Great for bobsleigh training and skateboards, but for an elderly person, this hill represents a bit of a challenge. Imagine trying to get a car up this road in winter, after a thaw and re-freeze - when it will become a sheet of ice. They might want to install a ski-lift and provide skates or skis for the downhill run. Hey, how about operating the estate as an amusement.

Grass cutting nightmare on Elm Street! No, this is Oak Way. But still looking at that slope, it's not really a job for a lawn mower, unless the gardener has extremely long arms. So, that leaves strimming.

We're not sure what this is, but on the assumption that shit travels downhill, we imagine that all the turds being flushed from this development end up here. What happens to them from that point on we'll leave to your imagination. Is this a mini treatment plant or a pumping station?

You would not believe it, but in 2020 developers Latimer, part of the Clarion Group, are seeking to build yet more houses on land formerly owned by Tim Watson, to add to the congestion. The closest secondary school is in Hailsham, meaning more carbon miles to add to the cost of living atop a steel monolith with about as much charm as a leper colony.

Southern Water dug up the A271 from Shit Creek to Victoria Road and on to their treatment plant, just under a mile from the junction, to lay shit carrying pipes from Chapel Row and a pumping station and crap holding facility in the field adjacent to Lime Cross, otherwise known locally as Shit Creek.

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