MAY 2020 - Southern Water getting stuck into their newest shit project, a pumping station in Herstmonceux, Sussex.

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Human shit is known by many other names, but it all means the same. Shit is also known as Crap, after Thomas Crapper and Excrement, Faeces and Stools.

In years gone by humans took a dump in the bushes and wiped their backsides on leaves and other plant material. The waste was decomposed naturally by bacteria, just as cowpats and sheep droppings are gobbled up by insects and even other animals.

Heck, a 10 quintillion insects can't all be wrong!

As humans moved from caves into huts and then villas or houses, the potty was invented. This allowed us to take a piss or a dump and hurl it out of the window. Hence the expression: "mind your heads."

The streets of London were awash with untreated excrement and urine, that drained into the River Thames and then into the sea. The Romans were more advanced with aqueducts. 

In the Amazon and India today, millions of people defecate in bushes.

Porcelain was out great savior, or was it? Ceramic drainage at first drained out into rivers and the sea untreated, but at least shit was removed from living accommodation, that smelled to high heaven when the lid of a chamber pot was removed.

The flushing toilet, and sewage treatment plants, was supposed to cure that. But have simply been washed out to sea, to come back and haunt us as sargassum. We've removed the shit from our country, and dumped it on several others. Where actually, we are building too many houses. So many, that out water companies cannot cope, and simply dump untreated sewage into the sea.

IS SHIT GOOD FOR YOU - Yao Honghong, a Southeast University professor with the school of medicine, accidentally discovered during a test that mice without depression genes possess intestinal floras that are different from depressed mice. The team then gathered poop from mice without depression and handed it to the depressed mice, whose depression ailments evidently eased after that! Yao informed local reporters on Tuesday that they are plotting to develop oral medicines carrying intestinal floras of healthy persons. The team is now amassing intestinal floras from healthy individuals who volunteer to donate their droppings. Depression is deemed an emotional disorder. Present day antidepressants have some issues such as working too slow and patients can have many unfavorable reactions after consuming them.

The report stated that the safety and efficiency of utilizing intestinal floras to remedy depression is higher than for present medications. The finding has gone viral on social media in China, being both hailed and doubted by netizens. As of press time, the subject “Human feces may cure depression” has been viewed more than 100,000,000 times. Various Chinese netizens stressed that they would refuse this sort of therapy. “If I have depression, I might not accept therapy related to feces. It is a little disgusting,” a netizen commented. Other netizens contended that the therapy does have a scientific fundament and hope soon it can be used in clinics to assist those who suffer from depression. “Intestinal floras can influence human health and some of them are related to depression. Feces are only one of the sources of these floras,” suggested one netizen who too researched intestinal floras.

ARE THEY SURE? - Southern Water say these are essential improvements. But are they? Many concerned residents are of the opinion that the village was already overloaded. Meaning that these works are more profiteering from over-development of the countryside. It's hot enough already without raising the temperature of planet earth more!

OTHER EXCREMENT

All animals on earth need to defecate to expel the toxic waste products of biological oxidation. This gives our muscles the energy for mobility and our brains the energy for thinking. Though, you might not believe it for some people.

Horses and Cattle also need to relieve themselves in the fields and plains where they roam, in the process creating the greenhouse gas; methane. They don't have porcelain bowls as toilets, they just let fly wherever they happen to be. Whereas, domestic dogs and cats can be house trained, to use a box with litter, or to ask to go outside, to dump on your garden.

The size and visibility of their deposits gives rise to the slang terms: 'Bullshit,' and 'Horseshit.' Meaning lies or gross exaggeration, on the part of the target.

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